anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
