Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
