After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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