cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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