Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
