exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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