hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
