I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
