I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
