so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
