she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
