Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
