you didnt know i had herpes?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
