I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
