hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Mom said you looked used
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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