3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
