A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
