if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
