this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
