just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i have two assholes
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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