Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
