Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
