I wish I only lived at night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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