I heard we made out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
