he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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