There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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