That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
