YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
