Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
