Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
