Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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