this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my shit smells like andre
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
