dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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