Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
