I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
