I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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