If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
