If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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