can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
