And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
