in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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