I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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