you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
