Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
