Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this beer tastes like vomit already
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were destined to go to rehab together
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
