whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
