All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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