Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
