69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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