Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
