i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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